In a D/s relationship, a strong bond can develop between Dominant and submissive partners that is founded on mutual trust and shared experiences. This bond is like nothing else I have ever felt between myself and another. It is a beautiful, wonderful and sensual connection between two persons that is indescribably joyful. Sadly, I discovered after a relationship dissolved, that the bond which binds together a Dominant and a submissive must be cared for and nurtured in ways that I had not imagined.
Something happened to me as I grew into my submissive role. Something that I did not expect. I found that as my submission to my Dominant partner deepened; I seemed to have given up a part of myself. I cannot speak for other submissives, but for me, I experienced a personal transformation as I grew in my submissive role. I changed as I became a more committed submissive. It was not a change I saw or understood until after the relationship ended.
As a newly enslaved submissive I was enthralled with my D/s relationship and very eager to please my Dominant partner. I found my D/s relationship to be better than I had ever imagined and I wanted to ensure that the relationship continued. My focus, my purpose, was to please my Dominant partner. The more I served Her, the greater the pleasure I felt. The more She rewarded me, the more I wanted to serve Her. This cycle became a feedback mechanism that pushed most sense from my mind. I became focused on keeping the bond that had grown between us.
I became so intent on pleasing my partner and on holding onto that feeling of that bond that I totally ignored the need to nurture and sustain the bond. I embraced the role of the submissive at the expense of my submissive relationship. I turned my mind off only paying attention to what my Dominant partner told me. I ignored an essential component of the D/s relationship, me.
As a submissive, I forgot that I have responsibilities in the relationship. I forgot that I need to act and not just react to my Dominant partner. The lesson I learned is that as the submissive you have a responsibility in ensuring the success of the relationship. The bond of submission must be nurtured and cared for, and it must be nurtured and cared for by you.
This may all seem like common sense to some. In hindsight, it is all too obvious. However, to a submissive entering into the world of kink for the first time, exploring my submissive self for the first time, engaging in a D/s relationship for the first time, and trying to please a Dominant partner for the first time, nothing was obvious, and nothing seemed normal.
To those contemplating entering into a D/s relationship as a submissive and to those already in a D/s relationship as a submissive, don’t forget about your bond with your partner. This bond is precious. This bond sustains and grows the relationship. As a submissive, there is no better feeling in the world but to know the deep joy that fills you when you please your Dominant partner.
Nurture this bond through communication with your partner. Nurture this bond by telling your partner everything. No matter how stupid, no matter how inane, no matter how trivial, say it. Tell your partner like your relationship depends on it because it does.