I am nearing the end of this marathon, I assure you. Just a brief tour of the basics that have been my life and experiences in the lifestyle so far.
Once I had a name to go with the sexual concept in my mind, and a fair amount of research and self knowledge under my belt, I gently broached the subject of doing anything kinky with my girlfriend at the time. She was definitely interested, even mentioning that she would go through my browser history while I was at work on third shift. So my journey, with no pun intended, was out of my hands and head for the first time, in the care of someone else.
Now, neither of us had any real or useful experience, just our thoughts, fantasies, and a healthy desire to pursue them. So, that is what we set out to do, together. I had my ideas, she had quite a few of her own, and we basically agreed to meet in the middle and alternate between whose idea we were trying as long as neither of us had a major concern or limit about it. I got to try many things that I hadn’t thought about yet. I like to think she did, also. I almost hesitate to refer to our relationship as a 24/7 lifestyle one, even though by the end of it certainly fit the bill from an activity standpoint. Even though she was always the dominant partner and I the sub, the level of equal input into what we were doing, what we were exploring, made it one of the most equality driven D/s relationships I have ever been in.
This first adult, willing experience with BDSM was quite satisfying. The actual relationship lasted just over four years, and we continued to play together another nine months until personal issues on my part forced a move to another state. Each of my subsequent relationships have had elements of BDSM of varying degrees. Some, as you might imagine, were more successful and fulfilling than others. But that is true of any series of relationships, regardless of the sexual palette being used.
There was one huge exception in these relationships, though. None of the women had any experience in the lifestyle, so I was the more experienced. It created a scenario of “topping from the bottom” for me. Basically, they were centered around what I liked, therefore both of us were left with the distinct feeling of “I’ll do that for you… if you really want.” While I cannot say the scenes were not enjoyable, I can honestly say the emotional fallout was not worth it.
I eventually got married, and had kids, with a woman that when we first dated we incorporated BDSM. By the time we married, she had decided it was not something she was interested in, and I was okay with that. Later on, her opinion changed again, so we negotiated the terms of that part of our relationship. After a couple of years, it changed yet again, back to her not being interested. I could write another whole series of posts on just my marriage, but I won’t. It is enough to say that eventually the marriage ended, largely due to her infidelity and abuse. (Yes, men can be abused by the women they are with)
Now, in present time, I am in a 24/7 dynamic relationship with my Lady (you, fine readers, know her as Malady). For the first time, I am with someone with knowledge of themselves and the lifestyle rivaling if not surpassing my own. It is to her that I owe the biggest thank you to for introducing me not only to acceptance, but to the larger real world lifestyle community. I feel like I am home, with family, for the first time.