In a previous post, I addressed the fact that I am a dominant little, and Phoenix wrote a post sharing his side of things. I am still frequently asked how that works, and I welcome the opportunity to try to explain. Last night, I had a conversation with a friend about this, and I realized that in that conversation I explained it better than I ever had before.
Friend: I wondered how that worked for you. Being little at the core but the dominant one in your dynamic. Almost sounds like a recipe for destruction. I know if I let redacted drive the bus we are going off a cliff.
Me: I am not the typical little…and Phoenix is not the typical submissive. He is very protective and ensures that the pesky adult stuff gets handled with regularity. But for him, protecting me and doing the adult things is a service for him. He doesn’t view what he does as dominance because he is serving me by doing them. He doesn’t view himself as a Daddy, although at times I do.
There are some things to note in that exchange. First, being a little is “at the core”. It is something that is fundamental to who I am. When I can’t sleep at night, I either snuggle closely into Phoenix or I go snuggle with George, my 5 foot stuffed gorilla. I will get distracted by all things shiny or sparkly, and don’t get me started on what happens when someone else mentions that they are making tutus. (Speaking of tutus…I definitely have a tutu making, sparkle fest planned for today).
There is more to littles than just a love of plushies and sparkly things. It’s a certain attitude, and perception of the world. I find it very difficult to describe, but if you have ever met a little, even an atypical one such as myself, you will know what I’m talking about. I could go into the backstory of how I realized I was a little, but that’s for a different time. Suffice it to say, that being a little has been a fundamental part of my personality for as long as I can remember, though I didn’t have a word for it until a few years ago. On the other hand, being dominant and being a leader is also a fundamental part of who I am.
Enter the second part of that exchange: Phoenix. He is a service-oriented submissive, but he is also very traditionally masculine, and protective. I hesitate to call him nurturing, because that word doesn’t completely apply to him, and that’s okay with me. When I am sick or in pain (and I live in chronic pain), I don’t really want someone spoon-feeding me soup or fawning over me. Just let me suffer in peace.
So what does service-oriented look like for us? Well, like I mentioned in the conversation, Phoenix takes care of the pesky adult things for me, like making sure bills get paid, trash gets taken out, etc. For him, this is a way of “taking care” of me. For me, it allows me to enjoy my little-space without a nagging worry in the back of my head that I’m forgetting something. Phoenix also does traditional service tasks like foot rubs, and running my bath, and *gasp* making me a sandwich. Sexually, I lead. I decide when and how we will have sex, what (if any) kink will come into play that night, and when he will be allowed to have an orgasm.
The last thing I mentioned is that Phoenix does not view himself as a Daddy, though sometimes I do. Phoenix, in his own words, is just Phoenix. There is nothing more or less to him than who he is. And no, he is not the stereotypical Daddy that you hear so much about in the plethora of ddlg writings, but then, I am not the stereotypical little.
I do have a mentor who fits the bill of stereotypical Daddy, and in fact, he was my Daddy when I lived near him. While I was submissive to him, and still would be if we were in a relationship, he recognized very quickly that I was dominant. He does not mentor my little nature. He mentors me as a dominant, but does it in a way that my little side understands. Maybe I am a little that “grew up”, but never stopped being Daddy’s princess.