What is a Lady/Knight relationship?
The Lady/Knight dynamic is a twist on a more traditional Dominant/submissive relationship. For us, the Lady/Knight dynamic is indicative of a greater equality that is typically implied with dominance and submission. In our dynamic, the Lady is the dominant partner, and the knight is the submissive partner; however, the knight is also the protector, provider, and at times caregiver. This comes from a romanticized version of knights found in modern interpretations of Arthurian legend.
A knight is sworn to service for either the duration of his life or until he is released from service by the one who holds his fealty. Within a BDSM context this means that, by becoming a knight, one gives the authority to end the relationship over to the Lady. Please note, that this does not mean a knight cannot leave. This is a contractual relationship, and should the Lady violate her agreement, the knight is no longer bound by his service.
As found in legend, being a knight does not necessarily imply monogamy. It does however imply fealty to a single person. Thus, if it has been arranged as such, a knight may have external relationships; however, his Lady will always be the one that holds his fealty, and thus will be his priority.
I’m Malady, pronounced Malady or M’lady depending on your POV. Phoenix is my knight, and while I am polyamorous, he is my only knight. I do not fit any traditional BDSM box or label. I am a dominant little, and being a Lady is an extension of my self-identification as a Princess.
I have been involved in the greater BDSM community for close to 10 years now, although I have never been in a vanilla relationship. I approach dominance from a RACK philosophy, and I believe that dominants need to be prepared for when things go wrong, not if they go wrong. Following that belief, I devote a considerable amount of time to attending demos, practicing my skills, and engaging with the BDSM community both in real life and on-line.
Although I was introduced to the lifestyle as a dominant, I spent 18 months in a submissive role; however, I do not consider myself to be a switch. My time as a submissive taught me much about submissive head-space, and the needs a submissive has. It is my opinion that this has helped me become a more rounded dominant. My writings are a reflection both of my role as a dominant, and my identification as a little.
I’m Phoenix, and please refrain from adding the Sir into the mix as that has a COMPLETELY different connotation within the lifestyle. I am the Knight to Malady. I am strong, virile, opinionated, at times downright obstinate. I am, at the same time, very protective, caring, loving, and at Malady’s service to do her bidding. Yes, it’s a bit complicated to get one’s head around, but isn’t everything in life?
I have been participating in BDSM-esque sexual acts for more than 20 years. Some worked well enough for a time, some not at all, and none have realized the full potential I now have with Malady. Malady is the first that I have found to not only accept me as I am, but share many of the same interests. Please allow me to explain a bit of my personal philosophy concerning this thing we call the lifestyle.
To be successful in any pursuit, professional or personal, everything begins with self-exploration and introspection. While on the fringes of the real life, real time, lifestyle activities, I was still able to identify within myself the things that interested me, those that didn’t, and those that, frankly, I still cannot stomach the thought or sight of. I was unaware of a larger BDSM community until Malady introduced me to it. As such, I am new to the lifestyle, but not new to kinky things in general.
It is from this mindset of having spent years of self-exploration, and only months of being a part of a greater community, that I write. Like the paradox of my self-identification as a Type A Alpha personality that is also submissive, I now find myself in a paradox of being an experienced newbie. While my writings are only my opinion, hopefully, they are useful to others in their own self-explorations.