I had surgery last week, and was told that I cannot have sex for 6 weeks. For any who know me, six weeks of no sex might as well be an eternity. On top of that, Phoenix and I have had a particularly stressful month.
So…. I planned a scene. I rigged a set up where I had his nipples clamped, and ran a rope through the clamps, around his cock and balls, and then up through the cuffs around his wrists. This was new for us, and it turned out quite well. We also had some heavy impact play, and when the scene was over, he was allowed to cum.
It’s interesting that even though no penetrative sex occurred, we both felt much better after. It’s as if we both needed to work out our tension. It’s nice when needs match so well, like pieces of a puzzle.
As you may have noticed, Phoenix and I haven’t written much lately. What’s that saying? Sometimes life happens. Oh wait…Sometimes shit happens. In our case it has seemed that at times the two terms were interchangeable. So what do you do when life happens?
Well, part of being human is that we only have a finite amount of energy. When things start going crazy, as they sometimes will, we have to prioritize. If you are in a part-time dynamic, that prioritization comes easy. When it’s a 24/7 dynamic, it’s not a clear. Do you prioritize the dynamic or the other things in your life?
For us, our relationship with each other came first, and our relationship, although it does have a heavy BDSM foundation, is about more. It is about loving and supporting each other. Just as any other relationship has times where the sex might be a little scarce for one reason or another, it’s okay to put the kink on the back burner and focus on your partner.
Your dom is suffering a bout of depression? Focus on their needs as a person, not as a dom.
Your sub is experiencing some extreme anxiety? Don’t make them more anxious by pressuring them to conform to the image of the perfect slave. Be their support.
Ultimately, BDSM is a relationship style, but it is still a relationship. Without the relationship, it’s just kinky sex. When life gets in the way, protect your relationship. If you’ve both been kinky before, you likely still will be after. I can guarantee that if you weather the storms together, you will have a stronger relationship after the winds die down.
Things in life started to get the most of me, and I had to shut a couple of things down in order to deal. I cannot say they are completely dealt with, but I’m working on it and in a much better head space than I was a few months ago. So, here I am again.