Phoenix calls me his Lady, and he is my knight. That is currently my only title, though I have been called many things in the past: kitten, princess, little one, Miss, and Ma’am. Of all the titles I’ve resisted the most, Mistress just strikes a raw nerve with me. I can’t disassociate it from the vanilla use of the word.
As far as my current title goes, I am his Lady and he my knight, because while he is sexually submissive and generally acquiescent outside of the bedroom, he is not submissive in all things. I view him more as an equal, following medieval standards of chivalry. Our relationship is patterned after the romantic legends where a knight would swear fealty to and serve someone for life (in our case, his Lady). For some knights, this could include sexuality. The important factor, however, was the strength, protection, loyalty, and chivalry.
I used to place a lot of stock in titles; however, I am learning that a dynamic that works for the people involved is far more important than the title attached to it.
This is one of those questions for which I don’t really have a simple answer. I do not wear the stereotypical “fetish” wear. I can’t stand the smell of leather, and I cringe to think of what I would look like in latex.
On the other hand, I am a little. So I suppose some of my attire could be considered “kink” related. I am comfortable wearing most of it in vanilla public however. Some of these things include hairbows and sundresses. I also have a few one-piece pajamas/costumes – namely a minions one, and a wonder woman one (complete with cape).
For me, “little” attire is simply an outward signal to those around me of what headspace I am in. As I am also dominant, it is important to me to signal to my partner when I am more little than dominant.
Some elements of my relationship do not look abnormal to a vanilla observer. Phoenix and I have a Female-led relationship (FLR). As such, to a vanilla person, this may sometimes look like Phoenix is doting, “never tells me no”, and is very attentive. The only thing that I would define as kinky would be my sex life, and I do not discuss my sex life typically, in vanilla or BDSM company.
Personally, I think the internet plays a growing role in introducing potential couples. Therefore, I don’t think that on-line kink can be ruled out. However, I believe that a successful relationship that begins on-line must have clearly communicated benchmarks that will ultimately culminate in a real-time relationship. I am not a big supporter of relationships that are strictly on-line, as there is no definitive way to really know someone until you’ve had face-to-face, meatspace interaction with them.